Black Lives Matter Is Not Trying to Erase You, Brothers

Different Black men in my timeline keep saying BLM is somehow against them. *sigh*

Never mind this organization has mobilized in protest regarding violence against Black male bodies more than any other circumstance, but okay. I see I must engage you because ignoring you is disrespectful and tone deaf. You really believe this.

Below you will find the link to the BLM Global Network statement of belief. It is right there, clear, and not very concise. It is long. You must read it. Then, you must think about it. I know, in these times reading and thinking seems to be a forgotten practice. Our lives are filled with sixty second clips and clickbait headlines generated by algorithms designed to give us more of what we “want” and are “interested” in so we can eventually see an advertisement that our demographic might spend money.

I personally felt all the chatter about BLM being anti-family and anti-Black fathers was part of that fringe element I’ve stopped listening to full of people who use multisyllabic words and a mashup of religion and patriarchy to advance an agenda that holds no space for women who are outside of the “traditional” mold. It denigrates women who are raising children without a father in the home or have more than one father for their children. As if that happened in a vacuum and she alone is the reason for that circumstance. 

That fringe element is frighteningly opposed to women being in control of their bodies and choosing when and with whom to reproduce. It is a type of Black Evangelicalism and Islam. All the greetings of, “Peace,” followed by dictates about modest dress and makeup is for fake women, weave is for women with self-esteem issues who want to be white and “The Man is the head! The Man is the head!” That community has hundreds of YouTube hosts who spend their days and nights pumping out videos that do nothing but describe the women of my community as useless, unworthy, unattractive, and greedily grasping at men. Also, that men should put us away. Spit on us. Do not choose these unworthy raggedy females as a partner. If you can, take your children. If you cannot, turn them against her. If you cannot do that, wait until they are 17 and then tell them the “truth” of their mothers. They do not deserve to be mothers, wives, anything.  The hate is breathtaking.

So, forgive me for initially refusing to hear the Brothers on their assertions of being left out and excluded and their role diminished in the movement. Men I consider reasonable who have been in the fight for our people have this view. Apparently, this is not limited to the fringe element.

After perusing the BLM statement of belief, I still think the brothers are wrong. I will highlight what I believe to be their fears and try to close the divide between what they think and what is. I can only hope we stop seeing everything that removes men from the center to the circle will stop being villainized.

Let’s start with this section of the statement:

We are guided by the fact that all Black lives matter, regardless of actual or perceived sexual identity, gender identity, gender expression, economic status, ability, disability, religious beliefs or disbeliefs, immigration status, or location.

We make space for transgender brothers and sisters to participate and lead.

We are self-reflexive and do the work required to dismantle cisgender privilege and uplift Black trans folk, especially Black trans women who continue to be disproportionately impacted by trans-antagonistic violence.

Brothers. I need you to deal with your antipathy regarding what strangers do with their bodies. It does not matter what someone does in their bedroom or with whom. Let that not be your reason for feeling excluded or unwanted. All Black Lives Matter and that means we must deal with the violence in our community against Queer people. I know we have trauma. I know we have religious doctrine that has been taught from childhood. However, if you were born before 1990, you are grown enough to know better. Queer people are not going to hurt you or replace you. Chill.

I know the notion of trans men and women in leadership is also likely to make you uncomfortable. Help me understand how you can work in the USA at any company under the supervision of White men from CEO to your in office/local manager but trans people give you pause? Do I need to list all the reasons why working under them has been a trial and a tribulation? Tell me how it is different to work under someone who is an actual part of the community that benefits from and reinforces your oppression, but you cannot work with Queer people. Some of you trained your boss and did not quit! 

Let’s look at the next part of the statement that I believe may make you uncomfortable.

We build a space that affirms Black women and is free from sexism, misogyny, and environments in which men are centered.

We practice empathy. We engage comrades with the intent to learn about and connect with their contexts.

We make our spaces family-friendly and enable parents to fully participate with their children. We dismantle the patriarchal practice that requires mothers to work “double shifts” so that they can mother in private even as they participate in public justice work.

We disrupt the Western-prescribed nuclear family structure requirement by supporting each other as extended families and “villages” that collectively care for one another, especially our children, to the degree that mothers, parents, and children are comfortable.

The affirmation that Black women, who are the work horses of our community, should be centered perhaps makes men feel unwelcome. I ask them to consider how women feel every time we enter public spaces. Men we do not know interrupt our business by inserting themselves into our lives with absolutely no solicitation. If we ignore or refuse them, the best we hope for is for them to go on about their business. Sometimes, they call us names, violate our personal space and in some instances, they hurt or kill us.

When women make statements that men take issue with, quite often the first response is to denigrate our appearance or intellect. I do not understand why a movement choosing to center Black women while it fights for all Black people is a problem. We need safe spaces where we can serve. Let us not pretend that women do not get harassed just because they are working at a service oriented or justice focused business. Ask the women you work with what their job experiences have been like. Yes. Black women need an affirming space to do important work and BLM has in their statement made it clear they offer such a space.

If your concerns are with the parenting aspect, I am not sure how to encourage you. This is a global grassroots movement. We need all hands. If the statistics are not lying a significant majority of our parenting households are headed by women living alone with children. They may have an active father in the life of their child or children, but he is not in the home. If women are the ones showing up at protests and manning the first aid stations, passing out boards for sign creation or coordinating the water and food supplies, we also need a place for their children. A family friendly environment means they can bring school age children to the place where the Revolution is being planned and preparations are being made. Children are embedded in the wider community and mothers can support without worry. 

Dismantling the idea that women are to do double duty with no aid is not negative and does not hurt you. It helps women. If you want your children away from the envelope stuffing, then all you must do is be available when she needs to go there. If you are not available, then she will be able to offer her support and not struggle with where to leave her children, because it is family friendly. Our people were never islands. We operated in our earliest history with a village mindset. Children should be welcome in the struggle, they can witness with their own eyes the heart of their community. They can see us in all our manifestations. They can learn to help their own from the very beginning and have a wide understanding of who their own are.

Perhaps the discomfort stems from the absence of the word, father, in this statement: “We disrupt the Western-prescribed nuclear family structure requirement by supporting each other as extended families and “villages” that collectively care for one another, especially our children, to the degree that mothers, parents, and children are comfortable.”

Is that the problem? Are you really upset that the word father is missing? It says mothers, parents, and children. Fathers are parents. Does this statement somehow make you feel erased? Do you feel that for BLM to collectively and with intention create villages for women and children as support excludes you? Are you not of the village? Are you not a parent? Are your children not included in the benefits? I do not want to seem petty, but if the absence of the word father bothers you, I beg you to reflect upon the centuries of religious text and written law that excludes the mention of women. The words man and men are used to represent humankind. Men are the standard and standard creators for almost everything on the planet. Men define wealth. Power. Violence. War. Enemies. Ownership. Privacy. Beauty. Money. Men define those things and choose who must suffer and how, when in the grip of any of them.  I must say that this statement of belief is sufficient and if the absence of father is your sticking point, you clearly are suffering from the affluenza of straight male privilege. You are not being erased. BLM is not telling women to alienate their children from their fathers. You are important. You are smart. You are talented. You are needed. Now, can we all move forward and fight White Supremacy?

Source: https://blacklivesmatter.com/what-we-believe/

Author: Nature Sargent