Making the Trains Run & Mental Load During COVID-19
“We’re all in this together!”
“We’re all weathering the storm.”
“We’re all here for each other.”
“What a gift this extra time at home and with family is.”
All these platitudes and lovely sentiments try to lift people up during uncertain times. But, it is all sort of bull shit. I like these better (because they are honest):
“Many of us are more in the thick of it than others.”
“We’re all in the same boat, but not the same storm.”
“We’re in the same storm, but not the same boat.”
“Mommy needs more wine and ice cream.”
Like many working mothers in heterosexual marriages, I bear a disproportionate share of childcare responsibilities. According to Pew Research Center, in households with two full time working parents, mothers take on more of managing children’s schedules and activities and take care of children when they are sick. A study on working parents found that “when total time use is compared between mothers and fathers of young children, mothers spend more combined time working, doing household labor, and caring for children than fathers.” Oh, and by the way, that work keeps the economy afloat. Here’s, a staggering stat: According to a report by British firm McKinsey and Company, if women’s unpaid labor were included in the “formal” economy, it would add 26% to the global gross domestic product by 2025. That is equivalent to $28 trillion. So, let me get this straight…unpaid labor adds hours but less pay for individual women and families, AND it keeps $28 trillion out of the world’s economy? So, overall, mothers are working more hours for less money? Cool, cool. Got it.
What about single mothers? Pew reports that one in four mothers in the US is raising their children on their own. Thirty percent of them are poor, about 20% are college graduates, and a majority are women of color. Single mothers have higher unemployment rates, and when employed, their jobs tend to be less flexible and have less benefits like paid leave. So, before a global health pandemic shutting down much of the US economy, single mothers, and especially single mothers of color, were already struggling to make ends meet for themselves and their families. Am I missing something? Oh, right, white patriarchal capitalism. Again, got it.
So, then, what is motherhood like in the US during COVID-19? Who is teaching the kids at home? Who has a work-from-home job, and who is furloughed or fired? Are we all in the same boat/storm? Well, given that we weren’t to begin with, I suppose PolySue could just say “no” and call it a day. But, if you’ve ever read Herstory before, you should know better.
Let’s take me for example: The privileges I have are now even more pronounced. I have a job that allows me to work from home. I have an employer-provided laptop and reliable internet. I don’t have to go anywhere because we can rely on grocery and essential goods delivery. My kids can get outside during the day and play safely in our neighborhood. All this to say, even though MANY nights I do want vodka and ice cream, the COVID-19 storm for PolySue is not as strong as for others, and the PolySue boat provides easier sailing than others’.
Let’s take a moment to explore the storm, shall we. We know those most at risk for severe illness if they contract COVID-19 are over 65 and have underlying health conditions like diabetes, high blood pressure, and kidney and liver disease. We also know that those in the US who are economically disadvantaged, also struggle to stay healthy. Experts argue, “They are more likely to have jobs that do not allow them to work from home, increasing their likelihood of being exposed to the virus. And they are more likely to be underinsured, potentially keeping them from seeking treatment until it's too late.” This describes communities of color, the poor, and single mothers.
Who has been furloughed or fired? In the US, more than 60% of job losses were experienced by women. Hispanic women have the highest unemployment among women, and black women’s unemployment is higher than that of white women. Two-thirds of tipped restaurant workers in the US are women, and bars and restaurants account for 60% of all US jobs lost. When unemployment is low, groups with barriers to employment have an easier time finding work, and this particularly helps underserved families. Conversely, when unemployment is high…
How about the boat? Who gets to work from home? Men and women work from home at about the same rate. Black, Hispanic, and low-income workers are much less able to work from home.
What about those who are employed, but need to take care of a sick family member, are sick themselves, or need to care for children who are not in school? While the Families First Coronavirus Response Act and C.A.R.E.S Act provide sick leave benefits, these are short term, and not at full pay. Also, not all sectors or businesses are required to comply. For example, workers employed by a business with fewer than 50 employees may be excluded if their reason for missing work is due to their child’s school or day care closure. Also, mothers, as discussed, are far more likely to take time off to care for children, and “low-income mothers who must miss work when their child is sick are also far more likely to lose pay (73%) compared to higher income mothers (47%).” So, the COVID-19 storm is not equally distributed, and the boats are not equally sailable. And with that, the mental load for mothers is also not equally heavy.
Like all working moms right now, the mental load that comes from taking on the disproportionate amount of childcare and household responsibilities is now exacerbated. I am doing my full-time paid job while teaching my kids for hours a day, doing dishes and cleaning and doing laundry more than seems reasonable for a family of four, and checking in on family and friends’ physical and emotional health, all while managing the stress and anxiety of the short and long-term future of my reality. Sound familiar, CTC readers? Except instead of keeping track of permission slips and doctor’s appointments and teacher conferences, now the mental list reads something like:
Move my morning meeting an hour back so my five-year old can Zoom with her class
Make sure to check in with my eight-year old because she mentioned off-handedly last night she is worried Pop will get sick
FaceTime my 69-year old mom because she texted me last night that she would like to…and she never does that
Plunge the toilet that now is getting used so much more we may need a new one
Email and schedule meetings with my students who I know are not safe in their home environments
Even a partner who takes the breakfast and lunch shifts and empties the dishwasher does not ease the mental load. The emotional labor of motherhood is always added on top of the physical, unpaid labor. But, at a time where up feels down and right feels left, for me, and I imagine many other mothers right now, the mental load feels all the heavier. And mothers’ mental loads are all different, some weightier than others’. My warrior, goddess mother-of-two friend Kate is running the COVID-19 unit at her hospital; her list is heavy. Did I mention that around the world, 70% of health care workers are women? My single mom, principal, soul sister Erica is figuring out how her middle school teachers and students can get the access they need to finish their school year, while her first-year college son is unexpectedly home; her list is heavy.
Journalist Eve Rodsky put it well when she said, “Imagine a giant social experiment where all the undervalued and underpaid women required to get through your day went missing—teachers, housekeepers, babysitters, grandmothers, nannies, home-care aids, you name it…Except that ‘experiment’ is reality now.” But, really, that “experiment” is simply the reality of motherhood, and womanhood, in the United States. These women’s paid and unpaid labor keep the economy afloat, keep the metaphorical trains running, and keep us safe, with little to no recognition. Right now, while we are all literally in the pandemic at the same time, we also need to remember that some need more financial and physical support than others…and more vodka and ice cream.
Author: Suzanne Chod