SCENE 1

D: Soooo what the holy fuck. Hold please … then I will tell you.

So my new skip level whom is a mental nincompoop decided today that after a video call with 6 of us, for me to stay on the line while everyone drops. So here I am thinking I’m in trouble right. Her first question is how have I been, so I start rattling about stuff and how work is interesting with all the leadership changes blah blah.

She interrupts and says I’m not talking about work. So I’m like oh ok. Just managing my businesses out of work and looking forward to seeing family, etc. She interrupts again and says no I mean with everything else going on.

I SWEAR….It wasn’t until that very moment that I realized this was a BLM conversation.

So now I’m immediately uncomfortable and all I can say is I’m ok, we are dealing with it. She says ok and then says if I ever need to talk she is here because….get this, she can relate because she “has had similar problems. Not the same but similar”.

Bitch.

First of all I already don’t respect you. But if you think being of middle eastern descent and an immigrant now living in silicon valley working as a Senior VP of a major corporation in any way relates to the struggle my people have had…..and on video… how do I maintain an even face being all the way me????

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE?

And she can get me the resources I need if I’m not ok talking to anyone at the company.

YO. TODAY? I STRAIGHT UP ALMOST LOST MY JOB

I was LIVID. Still am

Meeting just ended when I started this thread

S: Oh wow. People don’t know how to approach or what to say.

D: I have not felt real personal anger in a minute and what I’m experiencing right now is FULL ONSET MAD DOG SHIT.

S: You don’t think she was actually concerned about you? I get the she shouldn’t have tried to relate part but the rest didn’t seem genuine to you? You know her better than me…I’m just asking.

D: Yes she was genuine in all her ignorance but I’m tired of it.

C: Damn D, I have all the words and none at all.

D: I don’t care her intent. She and I ain’t cool.

S: Oh ok

C: She didn’t do that well, no matter what her intention was.

D: So did she reach out to all the blacks in her org? Nope. She wouldn’t have said ish to me if not for the convenience of already being on the phone.

C: And I get she may not have the practice for these type of conversations but she should have practiced on her one black friend first.

D: I don’t know what would have made that better but I wanna cut her right now. I can’t believe how angry that made me. I did not see that rage coming.

S: I have no words except that she represents a vast majority of people in the world….especially in this country who just don’t get it. I’m just at a point that if anyone asks I’m ready to share all that I know. Not holding back a word. Whether it’s genuine concern or not….in the past I’m sure they all chose to be ignorant but can’t choose that path anymore. They need to know and I would rather them ask then not but I also understand how it catches you off guard and upsets you. Just be prepared for more of that because we are on a long path to change.

D: I’m fine when it’s not from someone who can take the food off my table. I don’t trust her to share my truth. That ish is dangerous.

C: THIS!

S: And you have the right to tell her too. That you’re not comfortable discussing that with her. It’s personal. And you have the right to choose who you share that with.

D: Yeah. It’s just awkward. Corporate America is the devil.

S: I believe it. Just as much as the political world….I often wonder how our people of color are handling their jobs from the inside these days.

D: It’s a cluster!

C: We exist in a system that wasn’t designed for us. We weren’t meant to survive here. It’s hard to trust any part of that system including its benefactors. Our trauma is real and it’s not up for the causal video conversation.

D: So real!!

K: Damn D, I get what she was trying to do BUT you never tell someone who is in pain that you get it because you’ve experienced x,y,z. Even if you experienced the same trauma as someone it’s never the same because everyone deals with and processes things differently. No two experiences are exactly alike.

S: Word

K: She should have just left it at, if you need anything just let me know. When you keep reaching there’s a greater chance of putting your foot in your mouth like she did.

S: Yes! We have all had different experiences so she was def reaching trying to relate….way too sensitive of a subject and it’s all very raw right now too.

K: I wonder if there are secret white people meetings where they discuss how they’re gonna address the black people at their companies. They’ve always been scared to address this issue that we all knew existed. I don’t believe that they all of a sudden have the courage to speak on it. Higher ups must be saying you need to have these convos, no if ands or buts about it.

C: Probably.

K: Which makes you question how genuine these convos really are?

S: At this point I don’t expect it to be genuine. However, if this is what they must do to ensure that they progress with the movement then so be it….all employees wont talk but some might. Can’t continue the way it’s been because it’s all in their faces everywhere they turn now.

C: My hope is that some are genuine. I know it’s a difficult conversation but we have been living in this for all of our lives. Your turn.

D: On today’s town hall our CEO challenged leadership globally with that charge. This is why she did it but he failed to advise them on any protocol etc. Hope someone one his advisory board comes back with some advice for the next town hall.

K: As sensitive as this subject is and the fact that that it’s a conversation that needs to be had, these companies should be pulling in some kind of sensitivity coach. Clearly people don’t know what to say and they need guidance on what would be considered “appropriate”.

R: You mean invest in the cause? Sorry you had that call D, it’s such a fine line with these conversations.

D: Thanks boo.

S: All I know is your surprising conversation just lets me know we all need to anticipate these random conversations about BLM one way or another both professionally and non.

R: To S’s point, you just gotta go there with some people and let them know, but there is a level of calculation that needs to be done with regard to circumstances. I have had so many white people reach out to me. I have one girl who literally likes every single story I post. From high school who I haven’t talked to since high school. They are coming out of the woodwork.

D: Right?!?! Its sooooo (a word) and I don’t know what that word is yet. But that word.

C: For some, I won’t say all, doesn’t it feel like they’re checking just to make sure they’re not as racist as they know they are? Or fear they are? It’s such a fine line. Change comes from faith and hope and action. And we have to be open to all those things but it’s not easy.

R: For sure

D: I was however able to vent on my standing vent call with two white colleagues. 1 male and 1 female. Both in the southwest.

R: That’s progress

D: AND it was a great call. Them I trust and I’m sure they learned a lot on my 1 hour rant. They participated and asked questions. And thanked me for including them. One even said that no matter how informed and liberal we think we are we really don’t know shit. That was good to hear.

C: That’s awesome D.

R: And you also know we all fall into the friendly negro column to several of our friends. So they’re definitely testing waters with us.

D: Amen. A couple of those have surfaced too. I had one colleague repost my FB post from yesterday and he started it with “My wife and I really love how D expressed #blacklivesmatter”.

R: I’ve had several people ask to re-share some of my posts as well.

D: Mind blowing but we can’t help but still ask ourselves hmmmmmmm?

K: Testing the waters indeed. Some of the white people in my neighborhood damn near jumping to speak to me now LOL.

D: So ingrained. Ha! Yeah there’s that.

K: I was running and this guy stopped, gave me the thumbs up and proceeds to clap.

D: Wow.

C: WHAT?!

R: They have no clue what to do

K: Now granted I thought I was gonna die, ran over 3 miles at this point, but I was like come on now.

D: Extra. After my call with her earlier I texted my boss with the details of the nonsense and ended the thread with “that is YOUR boss”.

K: What did your boss say?

D: Ughhhhhh

C: Accurate AF

K: Is your boss black or white? That was dead on.

D: White man in the southwest who gets mad all the time at how red his state is. He bitches all the time.

K: At least he recognizes how stupid she sounded.

C: Speaking of stupid, y’all see them democrats in the kente cloth kneeling?

D: Yeah someone shared somewhere.

C: It was Nancy Pelosi in the hat that took me out.

R: Right but why didn’t they say no. Hahahaha, this ain’t it!

D: Nancy in her kente cloth, yup.

R: And then after they kneeled she couldn’t get back up!

D: I missed that.

C: I missed that too. I need to view the video now.

*Video shared

C: Yes! I needed that.

D: Ha, she knew her knees were gonna act a fool. Hell I couldn’t have gotten up.

R: Me either LMAO.

K: It’s just to much. I know they want to show they’re down for the cause but come on now. Pelosi gonna be in the hospital next week having knee replacement surgery because she was pressed to get that photo op

R: FACTS.

D: And we need her ass in that chair. Not her knees on the ground. Play your role!

K: Word. C, What them voting lines looking like?

C: I got there about 7:30 this morning and it took 2 hours. No issues but one woman in front of me was at the wrong place because of an address change. She had to leave. Friends were texting me telling me they were having issues at their places. Machines not working, etc. Same Georgia, same shit. During early voting I heard people in my area waited 5-6 hours. It’s storming on and off today and you know they’re making everyone social distance in line. I feel bad for people out there now.

K. Damn. They doing everything possible. Hopefully people don’t give up and just leave.

C: At this point with all we’ve been through, no one’s going anywhere. I pray for their strength.