The Rainbow

But bein alive & bein a woman & bein colored is a metaphysical dilemma I haven’t conquered yet

I love a good book. I was reading about the same time I started walking and talking (did anyone else hear the Migos song when they read that or is it just me). Poetry was my first love. The first book I had signed by an author was a book of poems by Linda Michelle Baron that I still have to this day. The line above, from For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When The Rainbow Is Enuf by Ntozake Shange speaks to me. I am that colored girl. Sometimes the rainbow is enuf and sometimes it isn’t. I had to google metaphysical. The line hit me right in the chest, but I had to look the word up to make sure I was feeling it properly. I am.

For me this encompasses so much of my day to day. As women we have to be ALL THE THINGS, right? Debatable. As black women we have to be all of those things plus all these other things. It’s exhausting. True authenticity doesn’t exist in a society that wasn’t made to include you. And if that’s the case, then we are all walking around as multiple people sharing one body and fighting for space in one mind. We are taught the duplicitous nature of our existence and had it confirmed by our ancestors that all these personalities are normal. Hell you know the mantras because your mama/auntie/grandma raised you on it.

You have to work twice as hard and be twice as good just to get half of what is given to others.

Never let them see you sweat, never let them see you cry.

Don’t talk about your business to other people.

We recited these phrases as rights of passage learned along with our ABCs. We are raised to be warriors. Sometimes our biggest battle is the one within. Why aren’t we also taught how to deal with war in a way that is healthy for our mind, body and souls? Where is the lesson on being kind to yourself in order to counteract the workings of a world that is forever against you?

Author: Cherrón