Mr. Amazing

The wingmen in my life are online dating apps. I’ve had girlfriends who knew a great guy and tried to set me up on a blind date, and after some prodding I’ve opened up to the idea but apps have been my dating support system for a few years now. As I’ve gotten older, dating, and meeting people in general, has gotten harder. Plus as you know good and well I work a lot and tend to have tunnel vision when I’m busy. Online dating also offers me the opportunity to be upfront and direct about what I’m looking for which, sometimes, cuts out the unnecessary nonsense. I have a favorite app that I use and have met some great men as a result. Maybe not Mr. Right For Me, but really great guys that have given me hope my Mr. Right is out there.

For a short and sweet amount of time, I dated a man I dubbed Mr. Amazing. I don’t easily get geeked about a guy or even talk about who is in my life. They come around, they hang around for a little bit, they leave. I might take a break or get right back online and try again but dating has felt a lot like Groundhog Day. Mr. Amazing felt different. We were aligned with what we were looking for in a partner and how to get to that point, he was emotionally intelligent, driven, tall (no judgement, driven and I was all in. I even modified the rules for him slightly. In hindsight, I don’t know if that was a mistake or not but I felt okay doing so and wouldn’t change a thing if I had the chance to experience him all over again. Our communication was awesome and I recognized that he needed to take things at his own pace given his past experiences. No problem.

Mr. Amazing asked on several occasions for us to have a talk about us. He wanted to lay our our expectations and needs. I was hesitant, I wasn’t sure if he was ready but one evening we gave the conversation a go. It was so good. He was responsive, we were on the same page and then, we were over. It felt like he went from talking to me, to talking to his past experience, to getting scared and running away. I was devastated. There was nothing I could do to remedy the situation. The hardest part was not placing blame heavily on myself. I am by no means perfect but I knew I hadn’t done anything wrong. Maybe I could have said something differently but ultimately this wasn’t about me. It was about him and the things he still needs to deal with in order to be in a place where he’s ready to receive Ms. Amazing.

The beauty of this for me comes in many ways. I recognize that I’m Ms. Amazing no matter what he turns out to be. I acknowledge that I can always do something better but it doesn’t mean that I did anything wrong. I didn’t allow myself to sit in devastation or disappointment long (nor did my girlfriends let me). I got back online and am still hopeful.

May the odds be forever in my favor.

Author: Cherrón